Today was my birthday (yesterday, by the time most of you read this).
I’m a selfish girl by nature, always hoping for something good in the gift department. This year I was thinking I could use a new bike so I could exercise these aging legs of mine, or a nice camera bag, something big enough for a couple nice lenses.
Then my oldest son needed an MRI, and our world changed in a quick-fast-in-a-hurry whirlwind of tests, and meetings (with a neurosurgeon and his team), and surgery, and getting nice things for my birthday didn’t matter anymore.
This year, what I really wanted for my birthday (once I remembered that it even was my birthday (I forgot in all the whirlwind)), was a perfectly benign pathology report. I spent the day (once I remembered!) thinking, “How awesome would that be, to get the ‘all-clear’ news on my birthday?!” And then we got the call that someone wanted to meet with us to discuss the pathology results.
Medulloblastoma.
When we got “the tumor talk” following Ian’s surgery, we were told about 3 different types of tumors this could be. I don’t remember all of their names, but the 1st type only needed surgery to remove, the 2nd type needed surgery and radiation, and the 3rd type, Medulloblastomas, needed surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy. I had heard the word medulloblastoma before, I knew it was one of the bad kinds of brain tumor… I never in a million years thought that would be Ian’s diagnosis. Remember the optimism?
I aksed about the optimism. What about the calcifications, the way this tumor looked old? She told us that the pathologist said “Sometimes the scans are misleading…”
Oi.
To say we are stunned would be to put it quite lightly.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9 KJV
I don’t understand why any of this is happening, why my son, why our family, but I trust Him.
I trust that His grace is sufficient, for Ian, and for the rest of us that love him so very very much.
I trust that His mercies are new every morning, and they are plentiful.
I trust that He WILL carry us through this incredibly hard valley.
Thank you all for your kind thoughts and hearftelt prayers, really, thank you.
How is Ian feeling? Will he get any time to go home. Praying friend and holding tight to the fact that we serve a healing God who gives us just what we need when we need it
Oh how my heart hurts for you…I am praying as I type.
I have six children, one of whom is a 17 year old son and one a nursing baby. My thoughts and prayers, my heart, actually, are with you and your family as you walk this hard road. God bless.
Oh, Ali. I’m so sorry. I know this wasn’t the news you were expecting. Praying for healing for your sweet Ian…and for peace, comfort and strength for you and the rest of your beautiful family.
i’ve never commented on your blog thus far, but i just couldn’t not tell you: i’m so so sorry. just heartbroken for you and your family. praying for peace and comfort to overwhelm all of you. praying for a miracle.
My heart just aches for you, Ian, and the rest of your family. And you are facing this with such courage and faith–I’m in awe. Please know, FWIW, that a fellow mama is praying for you in SE Wisconsin.
OH! And Happy Birthday!
When my daughter was 2, she had brain surgery and I will never forget the way certain things felt: the waiting, the smell of the hospital, all the nurses and beeping of machines, but mostly I remember the support and the prayers. Our situation was not cancer, however I am praying for your family and I know He can provide you peace that passes all understanding even in times like these.
I heard of your son through Denise in Bloom. I wanted to leave a note to tell you that I am praying in California for you.
Aw
Im sorry to hear the news, Will be praying for you and your son…and family.
I just finished reading “Heaven is for Real” by Todd Burpo (as in picked it up tonight, and read the whole thing). It’s a pretty quick read. I would highly recommend it, I think it would be very encouraging. It’s about a boy who gets very sick, and after he recovers, reveals to his family that he visited Heaven when he was ill. The really encouraging parts are how prayer was so powerful to heal him, how much God loves us and our kids, and how He’s always listening. It’s a true story.
Continued thoughts and prayers for Ian and your entire family, that our loving Heavenly Father will carry you close to His heart and work mightily in this situation.
I am so sorry. I’m praying for all of you.
Hi Ali, I am praying for Ian and your family. You are in our thoughts. x
Lifting prayers throughout the days for you, your son, your family, and the doctors. May God’s love and mercy surround you, fill your heart, and bring you strength. He is walking this path with you.
I don’t have anything to add except my prayers and love from afar.
I’m so sorry to hear this news. I will pray for your family, for peace, and complete healing in your son. I told you my daughter had done this twice. The type of tumor she gets will never be cancer, but it can do damage to her brain, and can come back anytime. I’m praying this will be a complete healing for your son, and you never have to go through this again. Love and prayers for you and your family. Happy belated birthday. Cindy
Only one can make this better. You know that. Keep in His Word and the revelation of this challenge will fill you and your son. I am continually praying for him, you , the doctors, and your family.
You are all on my heart & my mind. Praying peace for you all in this.
I’m so sorry! We will continue to pray for you for peace, understanding and healing. Hang in there.
My heart is heavy for you. I will continue to pray for all of you! So glad that even if we don’t know what the future holds we can cling to the ONE who holds our future!
How can it be that you are encouraging all of us with your hymns, prayers and testimony of trust and faith? May the Lord be your shelter in this storm, your light for this path, and your hope in all things. We are praying for Ian and all of you.
I hope you continue to feel the prayers and comfort being offered up for your family.
Lots of thoughts and prayers heading your way!! What difficult news to recieve on any day, but on your birthday…WOW! I just don’t know what else to say – but we will say lots, and lots of prayers!
this post made my heart hurt for you! Praying for peace and strength over your family!
The prayers won’t be stopping anytime soon. You are so strong. I’m with Sara Shull – I don’t understand how you’re able to post with so much encouragement and strength…the Lord is going to be pouring blessing upon you. There are few with faith like yours and I am so blessed just to “know” you here.
I am so sorry! Praying for continued strength for your family!
It’s amazing how quickly life can change. Much love to Ian and your family. Hang in there, momma.
I am praying for you and your family! (Happy belated birthday! I’m praying for a full and speedy recovery for Ian as your belated birthday gift.)
Weeping with you. Praying through the tears. Praying for each child and their faith and their little hearts of love for big brother. Also for both of you as you try to parent through all of your own grief and journey of faith.
I have long followed your blog but never commented. Ever since I read your news, however, you have been very heavy on my mind and heart and I wanted to share that you are in my prayers at this time. May you continue to feel the Lord’s presence in a very real way in the days and months ahead.
I’ve lurked on your blog for a long time and I just want to say that I’ve been praying for your son all week. ((hugs)) I can’t imagine how difficult this much be.
Hi Alison,
I am so sorry to read your words. They are words that I relate very well to. I was in your shoes years ago…with disbelief and so much to process at the beginning of the journey as a mother of a cancer patient (brain tumor, specifically).
I wanted to point you to a great source of wisdom, support and experience. It’s a yahoo group that I’d strongly suggest you join. Here is the URL:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Pediatricbraintumors/
I wish I had known about it at the beginning of our journey. I would have done a lot of things differently if I had.
With hope for Ian and your family. Feel free to write to me if you ever need anything.
Ian and your family are in my prayers. I know this can not be easy and is a very tring time. Just remember the lord will not give you anymore than he knows you can handle. I know that probably is not very comforting right now but it is the truth.
My mother had me at age 17 and right after my birth they found a tumor on her brain. She underwent surgery, radiation, and chemo therapy for a few years. 22 years later and she is still going strong . The chemo therapy has had some side effects but nothing to hinder her life in a really awful way. I hope that gives you some encouragement.
Oh my. I am at a loss for words. But as I was reading this and happened upon the verse you so beautifully chose to share… I was so thankful that you are who you are. That you have faith that can move mountains because your faith is in the King. I will be praying for you and yours, and am just so thankful that you have got the Great I Am to see you through this. Blessings~ Amanda
Will continue to pray…
Argh!!! This stew-pid cancer just breaks my heart. I’m so sorry to hear this wasn’t the news you were hoping for Alison. As a mom myself, I know the fears you are facing. As a cancer fighter myself, I know the battle Ian will be facing very soon with treatments. Please, please…know that the Lord has not forsaken any of you. He loves you–He would never leave you for ONE second. This fallen world we live in ISN’T fair, and the fairness will only come when Heaven on Earth reigns. So yell, cry, scream, let it all out–and then let the peace come. For because of the Lord, you will show people Him. You will meet people you would have never known, if it hadn’t been for this stew-pid cancer. You will face the darkness, the hardest of hard days and you will have your Light, because of Him. People that go through cancer without Jesus, NEED that Light Alison. They need to see that cancer can’t separate us from God. They will seek you out and ask you what makes you different for other cancer fighting families.
It isn’t a punishment, it isn’t a lesson to be learned and it didn’t come from God Himself. Don’t let anyone feed you that. It’s a fallen world and cancer happens. And it stinks. The Father loves you and He always will. You are His.
I will continue to pray for Ian. I will continue to go to the Throne for you momma, when you’re too tired to go there yourself. Because that’s what the Body does. We fill in for the parts that are too tired, too weary and too spent.
You will be strong and I know you will continue to sing praises throughout.
Love the Lord and be groovy dear-{{CYBER HUGS}}
Rachel
There are almost no words to express how much I feel for you and your family. I do know that by reading your blog you are a God fearing woman and you have him on your side. I will be praying for you and your son and your family. I hope and pray the best for you. And may this be the year of your life where you watch your courageous son fight and beat cancer. You will find out just how strong your son is and just how amazing God can be through such a time as this.
Words seem so futile at at a time like this. So I’ll pray. Hard. For all of you. I had so hoped for good new for your son. Please let us know how we can pray for you best.
I heard of your story from Rachel, Finding Joy. I am so sorry for this diagnosis. I will be praying. I have a friend that had this same cancer, he was 19 at the time and he is cancer free and 30 years old!
Praying for you,
<
I wish I had some wisdom or words that would take away what you are going through, but everything I have considered writing comes up so short. As a mom of a child battling illness, I am well acquainted with the worry, with the to and fro of releasing your child to God completely and then snatching them back again in an illusion that you have any control over things. The moments that I am able to hand my daughter over to God are the ones that fill me with the most peace. As parents, we wish we could somehow take away their pain, even live it for them. It is worse than going through it ourselves to watch them go through it.
But I do know that God is faithful. He is real. He is merciful. And he loves your Ian even more than you can fathom.
I will be praying for your son and for your heart.
And I vow to never again complain about one of my birthdays because I will remember the news you got on yours.
Please let me know if there is something I can do to spread the word about specific prayers for Ian in the weeks to come.
Praying for strength and peace through this trying time!
Saying prayers for you and your precious son. {{hugs}}
Words fail me … just sending them up to the One who hears & heals. Prayers all around.
Praying for you in Florida.
Something so difficult is so hard to grasp. I’ve been through some hard painful things I wondered if I’d survive, but God does do the impossible. I’ll be praying for you all. Karen
Praying for you in Australia
Sending prayers to your family from ours.
{Praying for Ian}
Praying for good health thru positive prayers, and thru God’s blessing from our family to yours.