Today was my birthday (yesterday, by the time most of you read this).
I’m a selfish girl by nature, always hoping for something good in the gift department. This year I was thinking I could use a new bike so I could exercise these aging legs of mine, or a nice camera bag, something big enough for a couple nice lenses.
Then my oldest son needed an MRI, and our world changed in a quick-fast-in-a-hurry whirlwind of tests, and meetings (with a neurosurgeon and his team), and surgery, and getting nice things for my birthday didn’t matter anymore.
This year, what I really wanted for my birthday (once I remembered that it even was my birthday (I forgot in all the whirlwind)), was a perfectly benign pathology report. I spent the day (once I remembered!) thinking, “How awesome would that be, to get the ‘all-clear’ news on my birthday?!” And then we got the call that someone wanted to meet with us to discuss the pathology results.
When we got “the tumor talk” following Ian’s surgery, we were told about 3 different types of tumors this could be. I don’t remember all of their names, but the 1st type only needed surgery to remove, the 2nd type needed surgery and radiation, and the 3rd type, Medulloblastomas, needed surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy. I had heard the word medulloblastoma before, I knew it was one of the bad kinds of brain tumor… I never in a million years thought that would be Ian’s diagnosis. Remember the optimism?
I aksed about the optimism. What about the calcifications, the way this tumor looked old? She told us that the pathologist said “Sometimes the scans are misleading…”
To say we are stunned would be to put it quite lightly.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9 KJV
I don’t understand why any of this is happening, why my son, why our family, but I trust Him.
I trust that His grace is sufficient, for Ian, and for the rest of us that love him so very very much.
I trust that His mercies are new every morning, and they are plentiful.
I trust that He WILL carry us through this incredibly hard valley.
Thank you all for your kind thoughts and hearftelt prayers, really, thank you.